she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
