she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
