I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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