I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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