i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
