3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
