it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
