I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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