the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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