Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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