did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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