Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
