I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize