You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
