just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
