Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All the doctor said was why
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
