so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
