Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
