My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
