you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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