Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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