He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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