16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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