Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
