life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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