On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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