My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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