So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
