Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
there is puke in my bra ... again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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