I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
