3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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