so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
