Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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