i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
