if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
