Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
