apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
