Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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