Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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