In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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