His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
