im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize