Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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