Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I met the friendliest cop last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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