you would pick up someone in the library
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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