We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
