That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
