mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
