his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
COCAINE IS GR8
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
