No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
