I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
