New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
