she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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