Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
