; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize