There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
