peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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