i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We left the knife in your bed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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