I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
