We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bring me that man meat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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