You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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