I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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