you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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