I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
