In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize