i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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