I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
