operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
