I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
