I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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