party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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