Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
