yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
