Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
