last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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