I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
