I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
