Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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