Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
